Transformed.

This past Sunday, which I suppose would be the 25th, I went to my internship church, Warren First United Methodist, or "First Church" for both services. Pastor Rick introduced me to the congregation and I had a few moments to share my plans for the summer. During the Sunday School hour, I had the chance to visit the current Jr. High and High School class that was going on so I could meet some of the kids that would hopefully and potentially join my study.

A bit of background. The class that I visited was a "Pre-Confirmation" class that is getting the students some basic knowledge before entering confirmation classes in the fall. I am going to pick up this time with these students starting June 8th with my own curriculum which I will explain shortly.

When I heard I was picking up this Pre-Confirmation class, I was a bit apprehensive mostly because I was told it would be mostly 12-14 year-olds. And while that was fine, I knew that my goals for a guys small group would only come through with Sr. Highers. Fortunately, at the class were two Junior guys. I really liked them and I think that at least one of them would join a small group if I asked. There were also two seventh grade guys as well. Two girls (both, conveniently, named Emily) and another younger guy were missing. The students seemed really receptive towards me, and I really think that we will be able to bond over the summer.

So I started writing my curriculum for my class, or what I call a journey, because 'class' is far too formal. The curriculum is called "Transformed: Exploring Life as a Chosen People." I will be covering all sorts of topics from suffering to evangelism to service to identity. I got the idea out of 2 Peter 2:9-10:

"But you are the ones chosen by God, chosen for the high calling of priestly work, chosen to be a holy people, God's instruments to do his work and speak out for him, to tell others of the night-and-day difference he made for you—from nothing to something, from rejected to accepted."
(The Message)

In the ESV, verse 11 reads that once, we had not received mercy but now we have received mercy; that once we were not a people, but now we are a people. We have been Transformed from nothing to something and from rejected to accepted. The whole premise of the class is that if this is true, then it should and will have dramatic and radical effects on our lives. We have been chosen, so how shall we then live? This journey I hope to take these students on will explore what it means to be God's chosen people.

My first lesson will be on the 8th, and will talk about the person of Jesus and salvation. "From Illusion to Reality" will talk about how we have been given real and true life through Jesus Christ and we no longer have to live in the illusion of sin. It will cover the person of Jesus (The Divine God-Man), the passions of Jesus (To Seek and To Save the Lost) and the work of Jesus (Death, Burial, Resurrection).

It stands right now that there will always be free food, and it will always be a multimedia event. Movie clips, music, and the like will always be part of each class. I want these students to engage with me and, more importantly, with God. I want this class to show students that the Bible is relevant and has meaningful things to say to our generation. I want to show them that there is a Better Way.

So here are some more prayer requests:

That I would be sensitive to God's whispers in what to bring to these students, as well as that I would be receptive to their needs as young believers or even skeptics.

That I would develop real, authentic relationships with these students, so that I become a friend and not a teacher. To be honest, I don't remember very many studies or Bible lessons, but I do remember relationships.

That God would use this journey to draw his children home.

I am so excited to begin this journey with these students. I am chomping at the bit. I've made posters, post cards, and I am going to hound them to be there. Again, I am so excited. God is goin to work this summer, I think, regardless of my actions or not. I hope that I can be at peace with that.

Thanks for your prayers.

--KHT
Zeph 3:17

Admitting My Weakness

The following is excerpted from a letter I recently sent to a friend. I thought it appropriate to share here, as well.

I've been thinking a lot about my powerlessness to achieve, well, anything in this life that we are trying to live. In essence, it is impossible for me to fix myself, to end my addicitons to approval and self, to make myself a more humble or loving or submissive or patient guy. It's not me.

I was reading in Romans 8 today (don't even get me started) and in verse 13 it said that "For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live." I can only live if I put to death the deeds of the body through the Spirit. This is especially helfpul and a message from God in light of my battles over the last few days.I then picked up a devotional I will be going through this summer, "The Inner Voice of Love" by Henri Nouwen. Today's title was "Admitting your Powerlessness." Coincidence?

He talked about admitting our powerlessness to God so he can truly work; that if we try to hard we fail, but if we don't try hard enough we don't get better either. When you plant a seed, you don't dig it back up every day to see if it's growing. I have to let go and earnestly seek God about these things.

It hit me the other night that only Jesus can save me now.

If I'm going to have to go with a last resort, I think I would like him to be Jesus.Then I begin to understand that the essence of the Gospel is making Jesus your first resort, not your last. I think I would have wasted a lot less time if I'd have just figured this out sooner.

And so I pray. I'm reading about breath prayer, this things monks in the East developed in the 6th century to pray without ceasing. Breathing in, I whisper half of a prayer, and the other half when I exhale. For example, "Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner." That was the monks'. I like, "Abba, I belong to you." Especially after Romans 8's talk of adoption.

So please, read and pray. Know where your strength comes from. Admit your powerlessness.

The Plan Unveiled

Dear Friend,

I began this blog a while ago to get myself in the habit of keeping this going. I began this with the purpose of keeping my friends who are scattered around the country up-to-date with what is happening with my ministry over the summer. Today I had a very important meeting and nailed down a lot. This is the rough plan for the next three months.

This summer, to give a bit of background, I will be working at the First United Methodist Church in Warren, OH. This is not my home church; in fact, I had never been there or met the pastor until Christmas break when a friend told me that Pastor Rick was interested in bringing me on. So I met with him, and within two hours, we both felt that God wanted me at FUMC.

The plan for this summer is to work with the youth of the church. Youth Group, which normally meets on Sunday nights, does not meet during the summer; this is common practice around here. Because I need a springboard for the rest of my ministry, on June 8th I will start teaching a class for Jr. and Sr. High tentatively titled "The Life That is Christian." I will not take any credit for a lot of the material because it was created by Mike Merry and Junior Ziegler for the youth ministries at DesPlaines Bible Church,

Using this class as a springboard, I will try to get a small group for the 9th-12th grade guys going. It will by no means be large; the youth group right now is about 10 or less students. If God sends two or three guys, that will be ideal and meet my expectations. I have yet to decide where to go with the small group, but I do plan to use a variant of a Life Transformation Group found in Neil Cole's Cultivating a Life for God.

During this time, I hope to get to a point where I can casually hang out with the students. Go to a movie. Grab some dinner. Play video games at their house. My goal here is not to be a good Bible teacher, but to be a good friend and maybe even a mentor. A longer-term thought is starting an improv acting group and doing a dinner for the church with a few skits, maybe a student's testimony, etc.

I will also be meeting with the Sr. Pastor for a mentoring time of some sort, and going with him to a meeting of pastors on Tuesday mornings at the area mission. About 20 pastors gather to pray for revival, and I am really looking forward to this time.

On the side, I will be working at an insurance office, as an "office manager." I take this term to be a politically correct and masculine term for "secretary."

While there is a lot of gray, I think that God will work out details later. My main focus is developing my curriculum, which will definitely be a fluid process as I get to know the students better in the next few weeks.

Another important part of this blog is so I can share prayer requests. Here are some now:

1) That God would show me what He wants the students to hear and learn in the Sunday School class, as well as small group times, etc. Pray that He would guide my decision making process in this and give me the passages to use.

2) Pray that the students would be open to me. I really would like to build meaningful relationships this summer. I understand that this doesn't happen quickly, but I hope to get a chance to dig into life with these students. Pray also, more importantly, that they would be open to the Spirit's work in their lives presently as well as in the future.

3) Pray for a Timothy. I am really hoping to find and older guy and really get the chance to specifically pour into him. Pray that God would show me who this student is supposed to be, as well as how to best live life with him.

4) Time management and discipline. In addition to doing ministry and having a job, I will be taking a correspondence course over the summer as well as trying to do a whole lot of reading. Not to mention spending time with family and friends. AND my mom will be getting married on July 13th. The business is smacking me in the face.

5) A good friend and I have been writing back and forth about religion. When he comes home, I am interested to see the direction these conversations go. Pray that God would open his heart and mind, as well as give me the right attitude and words to speak with him. Pray for God to bring him home.

Thank you for your prayers and support this summer. Please keep reading as I will try to update with frequency.

In Abba's Embrace,

Kyle
Zeph. 3:17

Life Unraveled (Temporarily, At Least)

It's move-out week, and as boxes and tubs filled with our belongings flood the halls, I get the feeling that my life is unraveling.

Everything stable about life here is stolen away every May (rhyme not intentional): our belongings packed away, our furniture torn apart and re-arranged, and the rooms cleaned spotless. It's supposed to look like we were never there, they tell us. It seems kind of odd to make a space your own for three quarters of the year but pretend like you were never there for the rest of it.

There is a mixture of excitement, anticipation, and sadness as each of us puts another box outside our door, as we place another container of odds and ends clothing, office supplies, and books on a shelf in storage. We are being removed from the World we've immersed ourselves in for nearly an entire year, and with it goes the families that we have made for ourselves.

I'm not quite sure how many times I've told a friend, "I'm not sure what I'll do without you for three months." I am about to leave this campus for more than quadruple the amount of time I've been gone before. It is odd to feel apprehensive about going home, to My Bed, My Bathroom, My Mom's Food.

And as my new-found family and I scatter across the country and even the world, we can see in each other's eyes that none of us want to leave each other. I am ready to go home for a while, yet the chance to stay here with these people is at times significantly more tempting. These are the people I have come to know and love and laugh with and cry with.

I have said it before and I will say it again, home is where the heart is. Right now, my heart is in the plaza on a warm day, sitting at a coffee shop laughing about the way a friend says a phrase, eating at restaurants we should have exhausted by now but yet can't get away from, staying up till all hours making God-talk.

But I am ready to return to my roots. To a place where you don't hear a siren every half-hour, a place where you can drive from A to B without having to allot extra time for traffic, a place where the only Starbucks within feasible distance is 15 minutes away. I am ready for slow afternoons reading a book with my dog, for the sound of mowers and hedge trimmers, the smell of wood burning and rain falling. I am ready for late-night Taco Bell runs and once a week Chipotle dinners. I am ready to watch movies twice a week because we can't think of anything else to do.

I am ready for home.

So, as my life unravels, and boxes pack and people board planes, trains, and automobiles and scatter hither and thither, I am willing for my life to unravel, if only to see the change in our Tapestry come August.

No Longer Shall I Sing

Someone said the other day, "When your voice is changing, you do not sing."

This is a grand metaphor. When a choirboy who sings in a boy's choir enters puberty and his voice changes, he does not sing until his voice has completely made the change. Then he sings again.

This is greatly reflective of my current stage of life. My ways of understanding God are drastically changing, almost daily. Yet I spend much of my time debating this or that theological issue, criticizing a speaker who has about twelve times the amount of education I do, or critiquing an event put on by someone who has been in ministry for many years longer than I have been.

It's really not my place. While education, age, or experience is not always equated with superiority, I can't help but wonder how much pride I indulge in. When my time comes, will I be criticized the way I criticize others. This puts an eerie spin on "Judge not, lest you be judged."

In When the Lion Roars: A Primer for the Unsuspecting Mystic, Stephen Rossetti says, "The grace of God very often carries with it the desire to communicate to others. Indeed, the beginner may engage in sharing this newfound enlivened faith with others, but not as a teacher, and certainly not as a spiritual director. Instead of teaching, one should become a learner."

John of the Cross says that the beginners on the spiritual journey "develop a desire somewhat vain--at times very vain--to speak of spiritual things in others' presence, and sometimes even to instruct rather than be instructed."

At this stage in my life, I have been asked to shut up and listen. I dare not throw the first stone; who am I to say that I know better? When we do not submit to the authorities above us, we are shaking our fists at God (thanks, Dr. Easley).

The growing conviction to keep my mouth shut has returned in full force and is forcing my lips to close tightly. If I cannot submit in the small things, I will never be able to submit in the things that matter. What happens when the Senior Pastor at a church I will work at in the future does something I disagree with? Do I grumble under my breath?

So, for now, I will silence my voice, which makes me wonder if I should keep writing this. But I will, and now they will be reflections on silence.

I'm A Big Kid Now

When I was little, Toys 'R' Us had this jingle that sang, "I don't want to grow up, I'm a Toys 'R' Us kid..." I remember thinking that, and saying to myself that I don't want to grow up, that I want to remain a kid. After all, big people don't get that many toys anyway.

I looked forward to coming to Moody for well over a year; the period between my acceptance and my arrival on campus (which, I will probably always remember, was from January 17 to August 18) drug on like watching C-SPAN. Each day went by slower and slower as I desperately wanted to begin this chapter of my life.

A quarter into what I will openly admit to being the best thing to ever happen to me, I suddenly see how fast life really moves. In high school, the seniors said to us freshmen to enjoy it, because it flies. That's not something you believe as a freshman; but when you are a senior, you more than believe it, you felt it as deeply as you felt spring would follow winter.

If high school went fast, college goes even faster. My first year of college is drawing to a close, and as I dread having to pack my life into a box and take it back to Ohio, I realize that this time is slipping through my fingers at an alarmingly fast rate.

In three years, I will (hopefully) have a real job, (possibly) be engaged, and maybe even (terrifyingly) be preparing for a wedding. It hits me that I'm a big kid now. No more Toys 'R' Us runs with dad on Saturdays to look at the glossy packages of Power Ranger action figures and Nintendo 64 new releases. Instead, I look at the glossy covers of graduate school information, and stare at the brightly reflective screen of my laptop as a New Testament paper stares me in the face, begging to be written.

Do not hear too much of a lament here; I am ready to move on. This summer I will have my first paid ministry position--a milestone in my life. I am ready to move into my future and start serving the church and leading others into the presence of Jesus. The lament I have, or perhaps, the tear of joy that runs down my cheek, is that of a childhood well spent, of dreams coming true.

Perhaps the hardest thing I will ever attempt to do is keep going; it is much easier to stay put, really. But growing up is happening to me as I speak, and I realize this beautiful community of ragtag ragamuffins will only exist for less than three years now. It will be nearly impossible for me to keep going after this. It is, after all, the first time I have ever felt fully received.

But I am a big kid now. And I am armed with the courage of Harry Potter, the bravery of the Red Ranger, and the energy of Buzz Lightyear to go after my dreams. I will grow up. I will be a man.

I am a big kid now.