Confessions of an Eternal Optimist

I've come to accept that this summer could be my first experience with ministry not giving me that Jesus high, that buzz I've felt in the past after giving a sermon or leading worship. I've come to accept that when I go into my Sunday Morning journey-study that I have a 3 for 3 record of leaving with less energy than which I came in with.

To sum up: my eternal optimism, my feelings that ministry would always be fulfilling, my ideas that doing the work of the Kingdom would certainly give me the feeling of my hair standing on the back of my arms each time, are decidedly not true. All those times I've read the books about ministry being exhausting after a while are correct.

Who knew?

Come Monday evening, after another less-than-my-mental-image-and-plan Sunday morning, I was quite discouraged. To the point of anger and frustration: I felt cheated. I had made the plan, done what the books told me to do, made fantastic visual aides, timed video clips immaculately. However, none of my students had gone through a drastic transformation. (Yet, I think in secret).

I would imagine that anyone who has spent their career or even a little bit of time in ministry could look me in the eye and give me a gentle 'Duh.' But I'm not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed, so great maxims such as these take me a little longer to believe, I guess.

But Tuesday was a new day. There is a group of pastors, one of whom is Rick, who meet on Tuesday mornings to pray for spiritual, social, and economic revival in our county. I go with and often hear the news around the county, and we pray for a good solid two hours. God did not wait long to un-discourage me: we opened with Galatians 6:9:

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

A number of other encouragements came to me throughout the day: texts and words of affirmation were in abundance at a much needed time. The kicker: Rick has given me an opportunity to preach at the church, both services, on August 3. Probably the most exciting thing that has come out of the last two weeks, really.

And so my eternal optimism is renewed. At least for now.

Prayer Request:

This Friday evening the aforementioned group of pastors are hosting a Public Servant Appreciation Dinner. Members of the city council, county commissioners, the public safety directors, city and county education board members, and other key government officials will be present to view a 15-minute video on how a town in California came back after men and women sought God's face for revival in their community. We're hoping for this to be a great event together. Please pray that details from technology to food service to our conversations would be blessed by God!

The First Sunday

This past Sunday I started a journey with the students of First United Methodist Church. This journey, Transformed, is about exploring life as a chosen people. So, after hours of making postcards, fliers, posters, info sheets, etc., I was ready Sunday morning.

I bought the doughnuts.
I had studied what God had given me.
I had fun questions.

I was ready.

The first Sunday, two guys showed up. I really enjoyed our time together, and I really hope that this is the start of something grand. We went over what it means to be a chosen people and studied passages on Jesus out of John and 1 John. I gave them a sheet with the verses on it so we could underline it and study it together. We discussed passages, the love of Jesus, and I explained the Gospel as best I know how.

Then it was over. No fireworks. No celebration. Just two eighth graders who came, saw what I had to offer, and left, and (God willing) will come back next week. A few thoughts strike me:

1) Most of the "ministry experiences" I've had in the past involved a buzz at the end, as in, I was all jazzed up after giving a talk or leading worship for the first time. This was the first time it was like, OK. That's it. There was no lauding praise or pats on the back. There weren't tears or converted lives.

In short, I did ministry. There is something terribly beautiful in all of this. I now, better than ever, understand why it is so important for me to be occupied with Jesus instead of for him. I can't survive in day-to-day ministry on Spirit Buzz. I need to be attached to Jesus. I need to be in prayer about 1,371,258 times more than I am right now. The temptation is to be relevant: to change my methods, to get better videos, cooler fonts, and a better room. The reality is a need to pray. (Thank you Henry J.M. Nouwen).

2) I've been reading all sorts of books on youth ministry lately to, as said before, be relevant. All of these books tell me I need to be present emotionally, socially, morally, spiritually, and by the way, physically. But I also need to be present relationally. This presents a few doubts such as: Do I have what it takes to be a model? Will they like me? Am I too lame to be a friend to these students? Do they want me to be their friend?

Regardless, I understand that it is nearly impossible to share Truth with students if they don't trust you, and trust is developed through relationship. These kids are asking: 'how is this life you're presenting better? Because I'm at school and there are a thousand other voices telling me to do something that seems way better than what your offering. But they seem to be dead inside, and so do so many people. I just want to know if I can live, if I'm going to make it.'

So I'm going to start doing some events really soon. No strings attached events. Because quite frankly, I don't remember very many talks my youth pastor gave me. I don't remember any great small group meeting. What I do remember is knowing he loved me because he had me over for wings and we'd talk. We'd go to Cedar Point and have great discussions in line. I remember 1 liners over lunches and coffee.

Perhaps the best way to shape students isn't with a talk. Because that's all they hear: adults talking. Maybe they just want to be listened to. Maybe they want to see us in real life, not from a podium or stand.


Anyway, those are my reflections from this Sunday.

Now all I need is a topic for THIS Sunday...