I'm A Big Kid Now

When I was little, Toys 'R' Us had this jingle that sang, "I don't want to grow up, I'm a Toys 'R' Us kid..." I remember thinking that, and saying to myself that I don't want to grow up, that I want to remain a kid. After all, big people don't get that many toys anyway.

I looked forward to coming to Moody for well over a year; the period between my acceptance and my arrival on campus (which, I will probably always remember, was from January 17 to August 18) drug on like watching C-SPAN. Each day went by slower and slower as I desperately wanted to begin this chapter of my life.

A quarter into what I will openly admit to being the best thing to ever happen to me, I suddenly see how fast life really moves. In high school, the seniors said to us freshmen to enjoy it, because it flies. That's not something you believe as a freshman; but when you are a senior, you more than believe it, you felt it as deeply as you felt spring would follow winter.

If high school went fast, college goes even faster. My first year of college is drawing to a close, and as I dread having to pack my life into a box and take it back to Ohio, I realize that this time is slipping through my fingers at an alarmingly fast rate.

In three years, I will (hopefully) have a real job, (possibly) be engaged, and maybe even (terrifyingly) be preparing for a wedding. It hits me that I'm a big kid now. No more Toys 'R' Us runs with dad on Saturdays to look at the glossy packages of Power Ranger action figures and Nintendo 64 new releases. Instead, I look at the glossy covers of graduate school information, and stare at the brightly reflective screen of my laptop as a New Testament paper stares me in the face, begging to be written.

Do not hear too much of a lament here; I am ready to move on. This summer I will have my first paid ministry position--a milestone in my life. I am ready to move into my future and start serving the church and leading others into the presence of Jesus. The lament I have, or perhaps, the tear of joy that runs down my cheek, is that of a childhood well spent, of dreams coming true.

Perhaps the hardest thing I will ever attempt to do is keep going; it is much easier to stay put, really. But growing up is happening to me as I speak, and I realize this beautiful community of ragtag ragamuffins will only exist for less than three years now. It will be nearly impossible for me to keep going after this. It is, after all, the first time I have ever felt fully received.

But I am a big kid now. And I am armed with the courage of Harry Potter, the bravery of the Red Ranger, and the energy of Buzz Lightyear to go after my dreams. I will grow up. I will be a man.

I am a big kid now.