No Longer Shall I Sing

Someone said the other day, "When your voice is changing, you do not sing."

This is a grand metaphor. When a choirboy who sings in a boy's choir enters puberty and his voice changes, he does not sing until his voice has completely made the change. Then he sings again.

This is greatly reflective of my current stage of life. My ways of understanding God are drastically changing, almost daily. Yet I spend much of my time debating this or that theological issue, criticizing a speaker who has about twelve times the amount of education I do, or critiquing an event put on by someone who has been in ministry for many years longer than I have been.

It's really not my place. While education, age, or experience is not always equated with superiority, I can't help but wonder how much pride I indulge in. When my time comes, will I be criticized the way I criticize others. This puts an eerie spin on "Judge not, lest you be judged."

In When the Lion Roars: A Primer for the Unsuspecting Mystic, Stephen Rossetti says, "The grace of God very often carries with it the desire to communicate to others. Indeed, the beginner may engage in sharing this newfound enlivened faith with others, but not as a teacher, and certainly not as a spiritual director. Instead of teaching, one should become a learner."

John of the Cross says that the beginners on the spiritual journey "develop a desire somewhat vain--at times very vain--to speak of spiritual things in others' presence, and sometimes even to instruct rather than be instructed."

At this stage in my life, I have been asked to shut up and listen. I dare not throw the first stone; who am I to say that I know better? When we do not submit to the authorities above us, we are shaking our fists at God (thanks, Dr. Easley).

The growing conviction to keep my mouth shut has returned in full force and is forcing my lips to close tightly. If I cannot submit in the small things, I will never be able to submit in the things that matter. What happens when the Senior Pastor at a church I will work at in the future does something I disagree with? Do I grumble under my breath?

So, for now, I will silence my voice, which makes me wonder if I should keep writing this. But I will, and now they will be reflections on silence.